Saturday, October 15, 2016

Its Hard Not To Be Discouraged.

Its hard not to be discouraged. Because I am. The pieces don't seem to be fitting together.... Does this mean the door is closing? Is it over? I don't know. 

We were approved to adopt from the Country of Macedonia October 2015 (a full year ago). We immediately updated our dossier and sent them our updated/translated dossier which they received early in June 2016. Other than their acknowledgement of having received the dossier, we have not heard from them since in spite of our agency's persistent outreach. 

What does it mean? We have no idea. We have done everything Macedonia has asked. It was December 2013 when we first felt the call to pursue "Xavier" and help open a program in Macedonia. We have been working tirelessly the past three years to do everything in our power to bring our boy home. . . Its been emotionally challenging at every juncture but the past few months have been exceptionally challenging. I have tried to be faithful and to keep trusting .... believing that it would all work out. However, I'm not sure anymore....

"Xavier" has aged out of our home study. What does this mean? Again, I don't really know. Have we lost him forever? Without any communication from Macedonia I feel torn about updating again. It takes months and thousands of dollars to update... and without word from Macedonia, it seems futile. 

Please whisper a prayer for us? Its hard to know what to do. My boy is across the ocean. He's a child of my heart and I don't know how I could let him go... just the thought of "moving on" floods my heart with grief and guilt. Please pray we hear from Macedonia - even if their answer is "no".

I'm not sure my heart and conscience could make the decision alone. How does one decide to just "give up" on a person? A child? A child with special needs? MY child? Would my heart ever forgive me? 

I chose "Xavier" as my own the moment I saw his picture and I will claim him as a child of my heart until the day I die. . . the distance across the ocean, the intricacies of laws, the politics of red tape can never take that away from me. Macedonia may say "no" - but my heart will always say "yes".


  1. You have grown in more ways than you know. If not been a chance to open your hearts to this young boy you would not have learned so much about yourself and of those around you. I can imagine, only from my experience, that your view towards people, humanity and even the power in your blessed soul is anew and has become razor sharp, some good and some not so good. I will pray for you and for some word from Macedonia. But please know, that you HAVE made a difference... just may not be the way you envisioned it. I love you guys, Uncle Jim